the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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