O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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