you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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