Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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