rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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