Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
