My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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