So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
