he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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