Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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