I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
