I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize