i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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