butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
