I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
