Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
COCAINE IS GR8
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
