First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize