I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
