Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
