A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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