I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
