God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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