Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
