I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
