There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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