Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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