Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
