I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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