We're facebook friends in real life
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
