shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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