they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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