it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
