I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
