I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
