do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
