Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
