Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
