we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
