I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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