A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
