I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
