he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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