her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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