JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
