think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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