It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
