you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
