We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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