I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
