If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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