I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
