There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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