I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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