Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
