I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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