mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize