she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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