I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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