I CAN MOONWALK!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
