WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
