Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I party with great urgency now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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