That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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