I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
