my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
