My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
