I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
