well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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