is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
