just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
