I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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