SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
