nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
