I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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